We live in a dangerous time. It continues to be unsafe to walk in this world and hold any of the identities I have.
We can try on the fact that while I drove to Mizzou a few weeks ago, I drove under the speed limit as my friend and I half jokingly said, "we don't want to become road kill on the way." What a sick thought to hold. But it was in my brain and it is because I and many others like me have been absolutely terrorized by the state violence that continues every few hours here in america.
As a Jew, I can catch hell from all sides. You got the folks who just hate Jews on GP. Then you have those who can seem well meaning in their attempts to disagree with what is happening in Israel but are indeed anti-Semitic. Then you have the Jews who consider themselves to be white who act like Jews of Color don't and have never existed and shouldn't have a voice. I think they tick me off the most.
As a Trans person, I have yet to remotely find a safe place outside of the Nebro Tent at camp. I'm not safe with family, strangers in the bathroom, on the bus and train, with some of the folks in the Movement for Black Lives, some folks at work, etc. I try not to think about it, but it is ever present and it can make one hopeless.
Hours of therapy, lots of time to think and hanging with folks who are genuine have given me some hope. But so has Tony Gaskins. He said, "You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce."
Lately, I have been using this as a daily practice with everyone I come in contact with. When someone uses my birth name, instead of responding while feeling insecure, upset and violated, I simply don't respond. It is surprising how things change when you set the boundaries with folks who have run over you for a long time. Even folks who I thought wouldn't change are getting the message. I have learned to speak up not only for myself, but for my people, all of them. And it is liberating.
And while this might seem small to some, this has been monumental for me. I have found the confidence in Koach Baruch that allows me to stand firm when I say that there is no route to a Jewish response to racism and systematic injustice without Jews of Color leading the way. There is no peace without justice and equity so despite folks upset about "the noise" the drums are reappearing without stopping this time. We will remain out in the open, making space for awakening our people as well as an opening for the ancestors to guide us to the next step in breaking our chains. And folks are going to learn to respect Trans and gender non conforming people whether they like it or not and it will start with respecting me.
The time for hoping and praying is over. As the Dali Lama alluded to the other day, "This mess was started by the humans and we humans have to clean it up." We can't just hope, we have to work for things to change and be better. But the work begins internally. Gotta start with self examination before you can move forward with external change.
Wonderfully moving and so very well-written. Kudos!
ReplyDelete