One of those days

So I am having one of those days. You know the one --- where it seems like no matter how positive you feel about this movement for liberation, another story is told where someone like you was dehumanized yet again. On days like these, I revisit this article I read shortly after Michael Brown was murdered. It spoke to me in so many ways. 


"So maybe what all of these terrified racists need is someone that, no matter how hard they try, cannot be dehumanized. Someone beyond human. Someone Christlike.

Someone that can save them from themselves, and wash their souls of fear and hate and judgement. Someone that can bring them into the light of humanity and love and logic.

Maybe what we need is a 5'8, light-skinned, Harvard-bound, star tennis player/violinist/poet that volunteers at the local pet shelter, bakes amazing blueberry muffins, speaks with a Mid-Atlantic accent, has a white name, who has never taken a photo with anything other than a thumbs up and a smile, and just recently published a groundbreaking cure for cancer in Science.

And we need him to die. Someone needs to find this boy, and kill him in public. It’s our only hope.

I’d offer myself, honestly. I would. But I got a D in Calculus once, so I don’t think I qualify. I’m not good enough."

I. keep. thinking. about. it.

And then reality sets in.  I remember that none of that even matters. Slave catching is a paid sport and whether you are an A student or a C student, they are going to get you. This system was setup for us to fall victim to it. 

White supremacy is like a persistent cold that we can't get rid of.  We keep identifying symptoms but not treating the actual cause.  Poverty, racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, they are all symptoms of this system.  We attempt to treat the symptoms with all kinds of elixirs which oftentimes makes things worse. 

So what is the solution? 

I know for sure that it will take the dismantling and eradication of the system.  How that happens is less clear. But that is why I go back to this article so frequently.  It speaks to our inability to see each other's humanity. It's really something to contemplate needing a messiah like person to be murdered by the police in order to change people's hearts and minds about people who look like me. 

As I see people continuing to be killed by the folks who are paid to protect us, we are up to 485 as of today, our freedom fighters like Josh , Jayne , Allen and Jasmine becoming political prisoners, and the never ending stream of racist vitriol that comes at people of color in this country, I get discouraged. 

What will it take for us to actually see each other for the humans we are?  

When will we stop looking past each other and talking over each other? 

Will there be a day when we desire liberation over power and privilege? 

When will we realize that there is no leader out there to find, the leader we are looking for is in us?

We say Assata taught us to #LoveAndSupportEachOther at the exact same time we are finding ways to tear each other down. And while #WeHaveNothingToLoseButOurChains, we find ourselves cuffed up to those persistent symptoms that give a few of us privilege but ultimately destroy us.

But i'm positive that we will win, that white supremacy will be destroyed and we humans will be healed. I see glimpses of this everyday juxtaposed to the continual trauma of just trying to breathe here in america. 

And it is on these days that I am certain that in order to survive, in the face of injustice, I must know peace. Despite this feeling of despair and helplessness, I am hopeful that there are others on this healing journey with me, and that soon I won't wonder if the next person they kill will be the messiah Dex talks about. 

Cause G-d knows my hip hurts from all this wrestling, but I can't let go now.