courage to listen

Tomorrow marks 6 months since I had life affirming surgery and I have been thinking about just how much my life is different today.

Courage is an attribute I have struggled with all my life. Living in a world that didn't function like I did and certainly didn't treat me like I deserve to be here has been difficult to say the least. And while the world is still killing folks on the daily who share one or more of my identities, I have built up the courage to listen to the voice inside (the divine, G-d?) that has always been there, encouraging me to be authentically me.

This voice led me to bring out ALL of the first aid supplies my parents had in the medicine cabinet to the neighborhood kids in Kansas City, MO to help mend scrapped knees and bruised arms. It comforted me when I cried my eyes out when the rejection letter came from UMKC's 6 year medical program and guided me as I left home and moved to Saint Louis, MO and my Jewish soul came home while I studied at SLU. It whispered words of encouragement as I moved to Mount Pleasant, MI to start the Au.D. program....as their 2nd Black student while working overnights at K-Mart. It kept the conversation going every time I wanted to exit this earth as I began what seems like a never ending process of coming out, all the while married to a wonderful human who endured living with a confused and unsure spouse. It propelled me to grab my drum and head to Ferguson. It's currently pushing me to increase my Jewish literacy and pursue full time spiritual leadership.

This new found courage allows me to listen to this voice differently. In fact, I now know this is the SAME voice that has been telling me that I AM OKAY all along, that despite all of the systems and people that have been sending subtle and sometimes not so subtle signals that I don't belong here, I deserve to be here like everyone else. I don't have to explain or justify my existence --- and I won't.

Revolutionary listening has transformed my life in so many ways. Listening without interruption, judgement or correction has given me space to learn and heal with others. Having the courage to listen to this voice within is liberating me.

I am incredibly grateful to everyone who has supported me ---- including Mommas Anna and Harriet, Langston, ALL of my Rabbis, my QTPOC fam, my parentals in Florida and my protest fam
. The love and support I get from the community that has surrounded me keeps me here. Thank you.

It is indeed my duty to know I am free.

I'm getting there.

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