The fantastic adventures of Koach Baruch

We live in a dangerous time. It continues to be unsafe to walk in this world and hold any of the identities I have. We can try on the fact that while I drove to Mizzou a few weeks ago, I drove under the speed limit as my friend and I half jokingly said, "we don't want to become road kill on the way." What a sick thought to hold. But it was in my brain and it is because I and many others like me have been absolutely terrorized by the state violence that continues every few hours here in america. As a Jew, I can catch hell from all sides. You got the folks who just hate Jews on GP. Then you have those who can seem well meaning in their attempts to disagree with what is happening in Israel but are indeed anti-Semitic. Then you have the Jews who consider themselves to be white who act like Jews of Color don't and have never existed and shouldn't have a voice. I think they tick me off the most. As a Trans person, I have yet to remotely find a safe place outsid

Why I #SayHerName Just about every week, I have stood during kaddish to say her name.  She is a Trans women of color and she has been murdered. Our tradition of mourning provides space and time to remember and reflect on the entire world that a person we have lost represents.  We stop. We take notice. We sit low to the ground or on the floor. We tear our clothes.  We mourn. We come to shul to say their names and remember them for an entire year. We tell their stories and share our favorite memories. We mourn. But who will mourn for our dear sisters?  How will we even know they died? For many, their deaths go unreported.  When there are news reports, they are often misgendered and their birth names are used. I say her name because I am a Jew. As of August 23, 2015, there have been over 20 Trans women murdered in the US, the majority of whom were trans women of color.  We are in a state of emergency. We are losing our beautiful sisters to senseless violence.  They have b

Over the summer, I participated in four 5K races.  First of all, that is a record for me and I felt really good about this accomplishment.  I decided that once I started hormones that I would do my best to stay active knowing that my fat would reposition itself, mainly to my belly.  My belly didn't need to grow, so I challenged myself. The last three races I entered and finished even earned me a medal! All of the races used only two gender indicators (male/female) to register for the race.  This included the Pride race. Two of the races used chips for tracking the time we finished the race. Two of them used the bib system where they collected the time we finished at the end tearing off the number on the edge of the bib. The bibs were divided into the two gender indicators by which side we ended on.  There were two paths, one for men, one for women.  Since I had registered as a male for all the races, it made sense to me that I would end the 2 races with the bib system in the mal

Sim shalom tovah uv'rachah chen vachesed verachamim I've got peace like a river I've got peace like a river I've got peace like a river in my soul And it, flows like a river And it, flows like a river I've got peace like a river in my soul You know how you put questions out into the universe and then you see something, you hear something, or you meet someone and your answer comes?  And then there are times where you aren't asking for anything, aren't looking for anything and the clarity about a situation comes.  It seems to come out of the blue but you know that is not true.  It was meant to be, if only you listen. I had the pleasure of seeing an old friend this weekend.  We talked about a lot of things, but I got some clarity with him about my transition. I was telling him about the transformational experience at the Meramec river about 6 weeks ago.  I went to the river to do the mikveh ritual before starting hormones.  I wanted to go back to the wa

I work with people of all ages, but mostly those over the age of 50. I see people in all stages of life including the end of life and often times in distress.  Mostly in distress because they are having trouble hearing and I can usually help with that. Yesterday I saw one of our elders fast asleep in their chair when I went to the waiting room to get them. No biggie, that happens quite often. But, they had to be aroused awake just to walk back to see me. Then as we went through the appointment which had to be cut short, they went back to sleep to the point of arms hanging on the sides of the chair and head hanging.  They had to be shaken awakened at least 3 or 4 times.  The family says that this is the worse they have ever seen them and it was certainly the worst for me. I tried my best not to cry during the appointment, although I can't stop the tears now. It appears that this person is being over medicated.  I know this is not a new phenomenon, but it is new to me and my patie

Baruch atah adonai eloheinu melech ha'olam shecheyanu v'kiy'manu v'higyanu lazman hazeh . This is my first post as I begin blogging through the first steps in medical transition. I have been asked by some of my friends to do this and I think it is a good idea.  I'm not really sure how this will turn out, but I wanted to give it a try. ------------------------------------------------------------------- I write this post on the heels of a powerful action that was led by some young leaders of the queer and trans people of color STL (QTPOCSTL) group. We marched in the PRIDE parade carrying a casket and the precious names of the trans people of color that we have lost to violence this year.  Pride Inc. pushed us to the back of the parade and then upon seeing our sign that said Black Trans Lives Matter, the emcee said, "all lives matter, c'mon, what about diversity?"  We went back on the festival grounds after the parade ---- chanting and marchin